Nico Tortorella: Gender, Polyamory, Sobriety & Tattoos Explained

Nico Tortorella isn’t just another actor from a hit TV show; they’ve publicly rewritten the playbook on gender, marriage, and recovery. Since coming out as non-binary in 2018 and marrying Bethany Meyers, Tortorella has advocated for polyamory, plant-based sobriety, and radical authenticity—here’s what’s confirmed, what’s still unfolding, and why their story matters beyond entertainment.

Full name: Nico Tortorella ·
Born: July 30, 1988 (age 36) ·
Gender identity: Non-binary (they/them) ·
Spouse: Bethany Meyers (married 2018) ·
Years sober: 11+ (using kratom) ·
Known for: Younger, Scream 4, The Following

Eight key facts about Nico Tortorella, pulled from verified sources, show a career and life built on breaking conventions.

What is Nico Tortorella’s gender identity?

Understanding non-binary identity

• Nico Tortorella identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, a stance they have reinforced in multiple interviews
• In a 2020 podcast interview, Tortorella stated they “do not believe in binaries” and welcome all pronouns

Public statements and pronouns

According to a 2026 report from PinkNews (LGBTQ+ news outlet), Tortorella came out as non-binary in 2018. The same report noted that in 2024, Tortorella returned to using he/him pronouns, though no public statement from Tortorella confirmed this shift. As of early 2025, their Instagram bio lists “they/them” prominently.

Bottom line: Tortorella identifies as non-binary and has used they/them pronouns since 2018. A 2024 report of a pronoun shift lacks direct confirmation from them. For fans: respect declared pronouns; for observers: expect continued evolution.

Are Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers still together?

Their polyamorous marriage

• Tortorella married Bethany Meyers in 2018. Both partners publicly describe their relationship as polyamorous
• A 2021 Instagram reel characterized Tortorella as “nonbinary, bisexual, happily married, and polyamorous”

How they navigate an open relationship

In 2019, both Tortorella and Meyers told ABC News that each partner has multiple sexual partners, with Meyers adding that the arrangement is “consensual and communicative.” A 2024 TikTok post mentioned Tortorella’s “current monogamy” with Meyers and a “girlfriend from Denver,” suggesting the relationship structure continues to adapt — TikTok.

Bottom line: Tortorella and Meyers remain married as of 2025, practicing polyamory with a fluid, evolving structure. For those considering open relationships: communication protocols matter more than labels. For skeptics: the couple’s longevity suggests the arrangement works for them.

Is Nico Tortorella sober?

The role of kratom in sobriety

• Tortorella has been sober from alcohol for over 11 years, starting in 2015 after filming season one of Younger
• They credit the plant kratom for helping maintain sobriety
• In a 2019 interview, Tortorella said their sobriety was going “great” but noted they still smoke weed

Timeline of recovery

Tortorella described alcohol as their “poison” in an Audible blog interview (audiobook platform), adding that their sobriety is “fluid” and not a blanket abstinence from all substances. They link addiction recovery to their broader understanding of queerness and plant medicine.

Bottom line: Tortorella is 11+ years sober from alcohol, using kratom as a maintenance tool. Addiction specialists may caution against unregulated supplements; fans seeking alternative recovery methods should consult medical professionals. Tortorella’s approach is personal, not prescriptive.

Does Nico Tortorella really have all those tattoos?

Number and meanings of tattoos

• Tortorella has extensive tattoo coverage on hands, arms, neck, and torso, with estimates of over 30 distinct pieces
• Tattoos often feature spiritual, nature, and relationship motifs — no verified source provides a complete catalog, but fan compilations list over two dozen

Famous tattoos and their stories

In a 2023 Instagram post, Tortorella showed a new chest piece but did not explain its symbolism. The lack of a definitive source means interpretations remain speculative. Tortorella continues to add ink, treating their body as an evolving canvas.

The implication: Tortorella’s tattoos are a visual biography — each one chosen for personal resonance rather than aesthetic trends. For tattoo enthusiasts, the value lies in the authenticity of the storytelling.

What is the ‘3 6 9 rule’ in dating associated with Nico Tortorella?

Origins of the rule

• Tortorella coined the “3-6-9 rule” as a check-in framework for open relationships, discussed in their 2020 book Space and in interviews
• The rule refers to time intervals for communicating with partners, but it is ambiguous whether the units are hours, days, or another duration

How it applies to their relationship philosophy

The rule is part of Tortorella’s broader philosophy of intentional, consensual non-monogamy. In the 2020 Audible interview, they described it as a tool for “maintaining connection without suffocating autonomy.” No primary source specifies the exact intervals, which has led to online debate among fans.

Bottom line: The 3-6-9 rule is a communication framework for polyamory, not a rigid schedule. For couples exploring non-monogamy: the concept is more valuable than the numbers. For critics: the ambiguity reflects Tortorella’s preference for principles over prescriptions.

The picture that emerges is of an actor who uses their platform not to sell a perfect image, but to open a honest conversation about identity, love, and recovery. The trade-offs are real: kratom’s regulatory gray zone, the ambiguity of pronoun shifts, and the lack of a definitive tattoo guide all underline a life lived with complexity rather than simplicity. For the public, the choice is clear: engage with Tortorella’s story as an evolving narrative, or treat it as a fixed biography that keeps resisting the frame.